Author Archives: Kate

This Is a Mommy Blog. But, Am I Mommy Blogger?

I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about what exactly this blog is. Is it a Mommy Blog? Am I a Mommy Blogger? Or, is this site just like every other blog I have ever written in my life – a narcissistic diary for me to review my own life on? Does my writing have a direction?

Obviously, I write because I have to write. It’s in my makeup, my DNA. I don’t lack for topics, as I can always word vomit out some bullshit about my life and form it into a coherent narrative.

Just Another Manic Monday

I am taking break from writing business proposals and SEO blog articles to mentally divert my brain, watch Bravo, and drink a shit ton of Diet Coke to keep me awake. I have literally been working since 7am, while trying to placate a baby who doesn’t have her Momma’s full attention today (a lot of Disney + and iPad, what can I do?)

Don’t get me wrong. I am super super happy work has picked up. If 1 or 2 of these proposals, or the job I am interviewing for on Wednesday, come through – I will be in a really nice financial situation within a couple of months. Which will lift a huge weight off my shoulders. And, will allow me to hire a part time nanny to play with Peej while I have to be working (which worked super well for us in LA, Sahar was a lifesaver, but we haven’t had a Sahar here in Chicago – as the reason for coming to Chicago was so I could be a SAHM. Now I’m a SAHWM -it’s a thing- and I could use some help.)

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Fucccccckkkkkkk

In an update to yesterday’s blog post: While they’ve opened the Lakefront trail, they have re-closed the far north Chicago beaches and the beaches south of us remain closed, with no plan to reopen them. Plus public pools are expected to stay closed all summer.

They have based this decision on observing the behavior of adults with kids on playgrounds and beaches. (See my rant about entitled parents on yesterday’s post.)

I can’t take her to the Lakefront trail without her making a bee line for the beach. We’re going to be restricted to the boring park and walking around the neighborhood (which she hates.)

I am screwed. This severely limits Peej’s outside options. I need to talk to our landlord and Ex British Husband about buying a kiddie pool/sandbox for her. =(

Or, beg my parents to let us come back to Lakewood.

It’s supposed to be high 80s and low 90s here all next week, with excessive humidity.

I hate COVID-19.

Rain, Rain, Go Away

It has been raining the last 3 days in Chicago. Peej is cranky, as this means that she’s stuck inside. I don’t blame her, I’m cranky, too. At least yesterday there were breaks in the weather when British Ex Husband could take her out to stomp in puddles at the non-crowded park.

There is a park near the beach where -past noon- people do not social distance appropriately. There are stupid moms with no masks that let their germ ridden crotchfruit play on the closed playground. Then those non-masked moms let their crotchfruit run up to little 2 year olds, (who are being socially distanced appropriately by their masked parents,) to wipe their gross germs all over that little 2 year old.

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Stigma Makes Me Feel Crappy

I feel extremely crappy today.

Today is the day every month that I have to call in my prescriptions for refill.

And, it sucks.

Why, you ask? Because, inevitably I end up on the phone with some pharmacist or pharm-tech answering a load of questions because they think I’m a junkie.

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Little Itty Bitty Yellow Polkadot Bikini

Saturday, the Ex and I took Penelope to Leone Beach in Rogers Park to go swimming. One of us has taken her up to the beach or it’s attached park every day since it started getting nice out. In April, that was mostly the Ex, as I was still locked in my apartment on quarantine. Since Peej and I have returned from my parent’s house it’s been me taking her up there every morning between 9am and 11am (when she turns into an absolute crank monster.)

What I have not done is take her in the water to swim. First, it’s ice cold still. I’m a tough broad who loves to swim and I still shouted “fuck it all to hell” when I dove into the water recently. Second, Peej is fast as a cheetah and still has a hard time listening and following directions. This is a recipe for a disaster.

I definitely needed backup there if I wanted to take her into the water past her ankles.

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D-I-V-O-R-C-E Spells Whatever

Okay, so Paul and I are getting divorced. I’m sure there is a contingent of the obsessed with my life #IStandWithYourHusband crowd out there who are doing cartwheels at me saying this publicly. But, it’s true – we’re separated. Living in the same house because we don’t have any other options, but separated none the less.

It has been an extremely long time since I wrote on this fucking mom blog. Is this a mom blog? I mean, I’m a Mom and this is a blog. But, is it a “Mom Blog?”

A lot has gone down since I last wrote about being sick or trying to teach Peej that iPhone cables are not binkies. I mean, I was SERIOUSLY ill for a very long time, all of January and most of February.

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Some Past Writing I Am Proud Of

I have been so sick that I have had a hard time functioning in the adult world and being an adequate parent to Peej, let alone writing. Having a constant headache is not conducive to thinking and writing. I missed posting yesterday and I’m a little bummed about that.

However in applying for jobs I’m doing the laborious task of digging back through about 30 years of writing to find applicable writing samples to send with my resume and cover letter to particular institutions. In such, I have found a few abandoned blogs I used to write and stumbled upon some writing I have done about mental illness in the past that I’m pretty proud of.

So for today’s blog post, let me share with you a few of these pieces:

Veteran’s Day, November 11th (published via Medium, 2015)

You Are Not Alone: Dealing With PTSD (published via Medium, 2015)

5 Easy Ways To Help Someone With PTSD (published via Medium, 2015)

Hopefully, I’ll feel better later this week when I am able to get to the doctor and get some antibiotics for what I believe is now a sinus infection (British Husband has one, too.) It stinks having to work this kind of stuff around his days off, but here we are. *shrug*

iPhone Cords Are Not Binkies

Today I am using a writing prompt to help me with my entry. I’ve been suffering through a sinus headache all day, so my creative juices are a little muddled. Here is the prompt I am using: A parent is trying to explain something to their child, who just isn’t getting it. Thank you to Reedsy for the prompt.

Parenting is full of stress and peril. It is a serious miracle that parents of children do not expire from having stress heart attacks on a daily basis. Babies get into EVERYTHING.

How do you explain the concept of electrocution to a toddler? Like parents don’t have a million and twelve things to worry about already – are the eating enough, getting good sleep, are they sick, are they hitting their development markers? Now we have to worry about toddlers sucking on iPhone chargers?

It’s not like you can use the illustration of Ben Franklin, the key, and the kite — their brilliant little baby brains aren’t yet sophisticated to understand analogies. Or, complicated historical facts. My child is literally obsessed with cords. If there is a cord in your room, she will find it and pull on it and try to suck on it. But, she has a particular fondness for the iPhone charger cord. So what do you do? You say “NO!” and take the iPhone charger away.

My phone is constantly under 50%. Don’t judge me. I have a toddler.

As a parent, it feels like you spend half your time saying “NO!” and taking something away. NO, don’t suck on the iPhone charger! NO, don’t bash the dog on the head with your toy! NO, don’t put that dishwasher pod in in your mouth! NO, don’t eat Crayons! NO, NO, NO! I am longing for the day when I can start teaching consequences… that give answers to the WHY of the NO! …Like, you could be electrocuted; the dog is old and you could hurt him; the pod could poison you; Crayons will give you a tummy ache.

I am not there yet. She just looks at me with those big blue eyes and tilts her head back and WAILS when I say no… like I am the meanest Mommie in the world. Of course she goes running to Dada anytime she sees him… Dada is nice and plays iPad games with her and flies her around the house like an airplane. Mama is the one who exhaustedly says NO! and makes her eat food she doesn’t want to eat and go to bed when she really wants to stay up and watch Sesame Street.

I think she might understand consequences a little bit. I mean, she is exceptionally bright. She already knows 30 words (most 18 month olds have between 5 and 20.) And, she can complete mechanical tasks and follow basic directions like putting toys away, using a spoon to feed herself, and brushing her hair/teeth. It’s also possible that she understands NO! means “do not do that.” And, she tests those boundaries. Constantly.

For example, a few months ago, she was in her high chair eating goldfish crackers. She kept dropping them on the floor to feed the dog. I said to her, “Penelope, do not drop goldfish on the floor for Max.” She stopped for a moment and turned, picked up one single goldfish cracker, and held it out over the tray of her high chair, then dropped it on the floor, while staring me in the eyes.

Like I said, she’s exceptionally bright.

99% of the time I think she doesn’t understand the concept of “if you do this, then that will happen.” She’s still shocked when she bashes the dog (I can’t watch them 24/7) and he snarls at her. She’s mortally wounded and offended by those snarls. She was just trying to play with him, why did the snarl happen?

Honest to god, parenting is the hardest job I have ever had. (And, I used to be a professional fire-eater and a telemarketer… not at the same time, but you get my point.) Exhausting, full of fright… but, also full of joy. Peej is lucky we love her more than anything on the face of the planet. That a day full of “NO!” can be mitigated by a snuggle and a kiss and a smiley face saying “Mama.”

Still, I look forward to the day when my daughter understands that no means NO! And, can consistently follow directions. That will be a good day. Until then, hide all the iPhone chargers!

Back to the iPhone chargers. I know that babies explore everything with their mouths. Which terrifies me. Because the things I have pried out of her mouth are scary. Two days ago, a screw must have fallen out of the bottom of our couch, neither British Husband or I noticed this… but, Peej did. Luckily for me, I saw her pick something up and put it in her mouth. And, I dove towards her, fingers outreached to pry whatever was in her mouth out of her mouth, and discovered a sharp, pointy screw.

Terrifying. Especially considering that she swallowed a button battery in September and had to be rushed to the ER for a surgical procedure to remove the button battery from her stomach. That remote control had a child lock on it, that shouldn’t have happened. Why are things which are supposed to be child-proof are actually adult-proof, and children can get into them easily?

I end as I start, parenting is full of stress and terror. It’s a good thing these babies of ours are cute AF. =)