This Is a Mommy Blog. But, Am I Mommy Blogger?
Given that I am putting this all out there for the world to see, I feel like it has to have some bigger purpose than just as my online diary and place for me to bitch about stuff. I write so much about my family, I do often struggle with the idea of turning this into a mommy blog.
Why I Will Never Do That
I’ve never liked the concept of “mommy bloggers.” Of these types of bloggers I have met and interacted with, they seem judge-y, like they all have their lives tied up into neat little bows, with perfect children. Like they all were able to perfectly breast feed, get their kids to sleep, enrich their lives with purposeful activities that center around STEM, artistic achievement, and (of course) social justice issues. And, still they have time to spend making delicious organic meals for their children, which (of course) the little rascals scarf down without hesitation. They have their shit so much together that they can take care of themselves, take care of their “littles,” take care of their partner (you know what I mean,) and still have time and the brain bandwidth to write expert mommy blog posts about potty training.
That is not reality. It can’t be. No one can have their shit that much together. One of my main problems with social media these days is that it’s not real anymore. It’s just pretty pictures of what people want their friends to think their lives are like. That’s what mommy blogging is like to me. Also, no one can be experts on all the topics that they write about.
Even if you Google images of “hot mess mum” you still get pictures of pretty women with their hair slightly out of sort, drinking wine, and chatting with their friends. The Myth of the Hot Mess Mum is ridiculous. It’s you go to either one extreme or another – you are Betty Crocker, or you are Janice Dickerson without makeup. There is no in-between type of mom blog.
Perfect Moms and Their Perfect Lives
Researching topics for a Mommy blog is a trip. Like I know about any of this shit? These are the top 5 topics that moms supposedly want to read about:
- Baby Weaning
- Baby Wearing
- Homemade baby food
- Sewing homemade baby clothes
What the fuck, moms? Do you really think you’re going to have time to do any of this shit? Even if you are a full time SAHM, I seriously do not think you have time to do that. Especially, if you have multiple children. Are you crazy? Do we need to send you more wine to even out your expectations? When do you think you’re ever going to schedule time in to watch bad reality television. (Because, you know that is an essential activity for anyone, not just moms.)
I have siblings who had babies before me, so I had more realistic idea of what was coming for me. Even still I had “ideas” about all the cool stuff I’d do with my daughter once she was born. As I was telling my cousin on Sunday, when you are an expecting mother you have all these great plans for how you’re going to be a mother. As soon as that baby is born your plans all get shoved aside and you focus is on three things: Getting your kid to sleep, getting your kid to eat, keeping your kid alive.
Especially if you’re a working mom or stay at home working mom (that is a thing) you have zero time to make beautifully prepared baby purees (that your child will ultimately throw at you,) and to engage them in guided creative play. It’s like you’re at war, and on either side, something has to give.
So you miss a deadline. You give your kid the iPad when you have a conference call. Baby food stained clothing is common. You are shit and vomited on, it is a regular thing. Showering every 3 days feels like an accomplishment. Just roll with it, Mom. Eat what your kid eats (mostly cheese and yogurt.) Sleep when your kid sleeps (when is that?) That is being a SAHWM. That is being a working mom in the time of Covid-19.
We mainline caffeine and try to wedge in hours where we can entirely focus on our beautiful children. It is common to deal with poopy diapers while trying to answer project questions over the phone; the camera is off during Zoom calls because we have major bedhead and haven’t brushed our teeth yet. Working moms get by, no matter what means necessary. Tantrums from your child and your clients seem to mold together and you feel like you spend a lot of time going “shush shush.” It is brutal to be a working mom or a stay at home working mom.
And, sometimes you succeed at perfection.
Sometimes we are able to produce beautifully organized and creative birthday parties. Or, we pick the perfect present. Or, we manage to create a Michelin star meal for ourselves and our partner. We bake some homemade bread, or can something. We get a pedicure or a haircut, give ourselves a facial, lay on the beach reading a book while our partner monitors our child so they don’t run out into the water and drown. (Or, in the case of Covid-19, keeping my child 6′ away from the other children on the beach she desperately wants to play with.)
And, there are things you want to talk about besides making the perfect vegan macaroni and faux-cheese for your family. The reality of being a mom in 2020 is neither of the extremes that mommy blogs present. It’s not real life.
At least in my life, there are so many more complex topics I need to deal with in my writing other than crafting the perfect family picture. One of my favorite writers, Jenny Lawson, perfected the art of mom blogging, while talking about her real life. She is imperfect and human. It’s glorious. And, it makes me feel less alone.
What Do I Want to Write About?
Everything and nothing is my style of blogging. If I can be funny or impart some wisdom along the way, great. Or, if I just vomit up bullshit that needs to come out of my brain, that’s cool, too.
What you can count on is that I’m going to talk real. I’m going to talk about how I feel about my body at 46 years old and after 2 babies. Mental health will be a frequent topic. Grief and my divorce are going to pop up often, too. I may even throw in a “how-to” or “best of” article every one in a while when I’m feeling frisky. It’s all a big fun mystery.
I’m sure that many of the things I talk about will piss people off (it’s kind of my thing,) or make you uncomfortable. But, in a sense, I am also a mom blogger. Because I love my child, she is the greatest joy of my life and my biggest accomplishment. She is also what my brain spends 24 out of 24 hours each day thinking about. Surely I’ll be writing about the weird, funny, scary, life altering, mundane things she does… and, what I learn from those things. I know I will.
But, am I a Mommy Blogger? I still do not know. I do know I want to figure out a way to monetize this stupid thing, though. So if you want to partner with me (I write SEO and sponsored content as a living, I’m happy to write and publish some about your thingie) or have some ideas how I can do that… hit me up.