Monthly Archives: July 2020

close up view of an owl

Freelance Career: Owl I Do is Win?

In previous posts of tips-and-tricks to start a freelance career I may have suggested that owl I do is win. (Pun intended.) This is patently untrue. The realistic version of freelance work is that for every 10 clients you pitch, you’re likely to get one job. I am in a good place with my career, because people know my work and often come to me solicit product. That doesn’t mean I don’t have to hustle the rest of the time. I do.

If you’re not prepared to hustle? Don’t quite your day job, hunty.

close up photography of microphone

Covid-19 Comedy: You just gotta laugh

(In a past life I was a comedian. This little piece about Covid-19 just came to me last night as I was trying to fall asleep.)

COVID COMEDY, IS IT TOO SOON?

I grew up with PIDD. No, that’s not a sexually transmitted disease. Or, a bladder leakage issue women in their late middle life get. (Holla atcha girl, Poise pad sisters!)

It stands for Primary Immune Deficiency Disorder. It’s like the boy in the bubble disease.

Except with no bubble.

And, no boy.

Basically this means if someone within 5 miles of me sneezes, I’m going to end up in the ICU with pneumonia.

Now you know my super secret weakness. The cold germ is my Kryptonite.

This has led me to be a lifelong hypochondriac. If I cough, I think I’m dying of black lung. When someone in my apartment complex burns toast in the morning, I think I’m having a stroke. Should I stub my toe, my entire foot needs to be amputated.

I’ve become so much worse since the Covid-19 pandemic began. I wear a hazmat suit to go the mailbox. Clorox wipes are not literal enough in my life. I wear a mask in my own home.

People used to get annoyed that I asked them to take their shoes off outside our door. Imagine how they feel now when I tell them to strip naked, put their clothing in the basket I have provided outside my house, streak past me into my bathroom, and scrub themselves down in the shower like they have been exposed to nuclear radiation.

At least I provide a complimentary robe and fuzzy bunny slippers. (That I burn once they are gone.) My robe and slipper budget has quadrupled since the whole “family and friend” pod thing started.

That’s the thing. Barely anyone knows anything about this virus. (Thanks, Trump.)

You know what I wonder? How is it that there have been 18 other Covids before this one and no one ever gave us the heads up that being Covid-y was a thing? How did it take until e 19th Covid? I would think that 1 or 2 Covids should have been enough to raise the alarm. But, 19?!?!? That’s just someone at the WHO being asleep at the wheel of disease prevention.

This is a great time for introverts, though., At last they have the silence and lack of social interaction they have always dreamed of. Blanket forts away! They don’t even have to make excuses for avoiding social events anymore. Quarantine. Lockdown. It’s the gift they and their cats have been waiting for.

Ambiverts, like always, are just “meh” about the whole situation. I mean, they could go out, but they’re okay if they just stay in. Masks are itchy, I’ll just stay in. But, it’s sunny out, I’ll tie a bandana over my face and go for a walk. They could give a shit less unless their sourdough starter dies, then they will break a wine bottle and cut a bitch.

On the other hand, this is like the 6th ring of hell for extroverts. They are liked coked out cats trying to scratch, claw, and chew their way out of their homes and apartments.

At least they aren’t meth gators.

Yeah that’s a thing now. Along with murder hornets and swarms of locusts taking over India.

That, my friends, is the shitshow that is the year 2020.

I’m convinced that pretty much any day we’re going to be overrun by frogs falling out of the sky, it will start raining blood, and four horsemen are going to saunter up my street.

This is not catastrophic thinking.. Look around you, the end is neigh. I mean, for chrissake, Donald Trump is STILL president. That should say it all.

That’s my time, thank you so much, don’t forget to try the veal and tip your waitresses. I’ll be here all week.

woman working at home using laptop

How-To Make Money in Digital Marketing

As a digital marketer, one of the most frequent questions I get asked is, “Kate can you tell me how-to make money in digital marketing?”

Well, yes , yes I can.

Surprisingly, in this Covid-19 fever dream we’re living in, freelance digital marketers are one of the more in demand service. So how do marketers make money in freelance marketing? Sit back and let’s discuss this.

pregnant woman wearing white dress

Parenting Tips: 10 Helpful Tips For First Time Moms

Parenting tips are much discussed on the Internet. That’s not going to stop me from weighing in with my own, bishes. Somewhere in the back of my mind I think there is going to be a huge boom in babies in 2021.

You know it’s true. There are only so many series you can binge. Boredom then sets in. And, need another activity to break of the monotony of quarantine. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

I don’t want to give you more toddler tips and issues. Or, info about how to survive being a SAHWM (it’s a real thing.) I want to talk about things I wish I had known. When I was pregnant preparing for the birth of Peej. About what I had wished I knew in those first months after we brought her home from the hospital. So without ado, here are my top 10 parenting tips for first time moms.

woman in white brassiere holding red rose and menstrual cup

The Underwear Conundrum: Dating after 40

As I was drifting off to sleep last night, my brain fell back into happier dating times. Like, when you thought about what underwear you would wear on a date… in case, yanno. But, thinking about this topic led me to thinking about how the underwear conundrum affects women in their 40s. Especially women who have been married for a long time and haven’t had to rely on cute underwear since… well at least 10 years ago.

I have a social distanced date with Tall Drink of Water on Saturday. (What does that even mean?) You know it’s 2020 when you’re thinking about what mask best matches the outfit you’re going to wear on a date and wondering where your 6-foot measuring tape is. Not like things are going to get frisky Saturday. (They are 100% not, thanks Covid-19.)

As I have mentioned before, dating after 40 is rough. Honestly, at least 50% of the reason I got married for the 2nd time in the 1st place was so I didn’t have to date anymore. Because dating in your 30s was no walk in the park, either. Too many fuck bois and crazy ladies. Boo-hiss.

woman in gray tank top

Parenting Peej: A Complain-y Word Vomit Post

Another installment of Parenting Peej: In other words, it’s a Monday.

I feel like death warmed over today. Metaphorically, of course. I got up at 5am (after staying up late binging Harry Potter movies) to have a little quiet time to get some work done. You know, before the demon known as my 2yo arose from her slumber chamber.

I have an assignment that was due today, figured I’d knock it out early.

As per my post about being a SAHWM, nothing went to plan.

Parenthood is… something else. I love my kid, but damn she’s hard these days. The tantrums she throws are sermount to the force of Mt. Vesuvius blowing it’s top. You do not want to be in the path of that. But, then she smiles at you, plants a little kiss on your cheek, gently takes your hand and pats it… and, you cannot stay frustrated. She’s so damn deceptively cute.

Her cognitive synapses are in the process of growing at such an exponential rate that it’s fascinating to watch her learn new concepts and ideas. She counts to five, she can say most of the alphabet and recognizes A, B, C, and (oddly) O. Peej knows her primary colors and can point out orange and green, too. We’ve taught her to fist bump, high five, boop, high 10 up top AND down low, and do jazz hands. Her dancing skills are unparalleled. She’s a curious, smart, sweet kid.

With the cognitive synapses thing comes chaos. She’s fucking adorable, but actually, at times, Peej reminds me of the debbil.

Flip the switch. (Enjoy that rabbit hole.)

I am not kidding.

The debbil days get me down. Today was one of those.

Dating After 40: It’s a Shitshow

There are a lot of funny dating after 40 memes and dating after 40 quotes. Being newly divorced, I’m encountering them day-by-day. While they always give me a giggle, they also have a darker implication for me. Dating after 40 and divorced is an uncomfortable, weird place to be. It’s not all How Stella Got Her Groove Back. It’s more like Crazy, Stupid, Love. Except you don’t get back together with your ex at the end. And, I’m Steve Carrell.

Super awkies.

Freelancing for Beginners: Here’s How It’s Done

I have been noodling the topic of freelancing for beginners in my head for a while. I have been working freelance or on a 1099 off and on for 12 years. Sometimes while having a full time job at the same time. (The ComboApp years. On the 93rd floor of the Sears Tower. I still freelance for them! Dmitry is my homie!!)

I was thinking about Covid-19 and how many people have been thrown out of work. Many have turned to freelancing. Also many people have been pushed into being part time remote workers because of the virus.

When I was laid off of my cushy tech job in 2008 (during the last recession,) I was a wreck. I didn’t know what to do or how to get another job. And, my savings and unemployment burned up like flash paper.

As a baby freelancer, I wished there was someone who could hold my hand. And, walk me through how to become a good freelancer. I did have this excellent book by Michelle Goodman to help guide the way. But a book only gets you so far. I had many great successes and so so many bad, bad failures.

It is now my turn to share what I have learned about over the years with you, the freelance beginner. Or, the full-time worker who wants to find new or transition a current career into freelance/remote work. These are the freelance tips and tricks I work by. I hope they help you realize your working in your jammies- while watching Bravo- not wearing makeup- spending more time with your kids- pursuing your passion project dreams.

Stay at Home Working Mom- Tips to Keep You Sane

Stay at Home Working Mom, can you have it all?

I guess this blog post runs the risk of being a “mommy blog” post. But, as I was drifting off to sleep last night, considering the very real possibility that in a few weeks I may be working 80+ hours per week, I wondered how I do it. How am I a stay at home working mom and still have my brain intact? (Some of you may argue that I don’t have my brain intact, I say to that : I love hateraid. Serve it up cold, bish.)

Working full time and parenting full time might seem counter intuitive. In reality if you structure yourself and time well it is totally doable. Today I want to share some top-tips I have discovered over my many years of working from home, and from the last 2 years of being a stay at home working mom.

This Is a Mommy Blog. But, Am I Mommy Blogger?

I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about what exactly this blog is. Is it a Mommy Blog? Am I a Mommy Blogger? Or, is this site just like every other blog I have ever written in my life – a narcissistic diary for me to review my own life on? Does my writing have a direction?

Obviously, I write because I have to write. It’s in my makeup, my DNA. I don’t lack for topics, as I can always word vomit out some bullshit about my life and form it into a coherent narrative.